As life coaches we are aware that the mention of life coaching can cause varying and interesting preconceived notionsabout what it is.
Here are some of those questions that we have come across and some answers that you may find useful if you are contemplating using a life coach.
Does hiring a life coach suggest I don’t have a life?
No such thing. Everyone has a life (unless you’re dead, in which case you’re deemed to be uncoachable); people just choose to live their lives in a lot of very different ways.
Does it imply that I need fixing?
No. It’s not really meant to do this, and besides, the role of the life coach is to be the catalyst so you can reach your own goals. It’s [still]up to you to make it happen.
Is this just throwing away money and using up time?
Maybe. In fact definitely if you are not committed to taking responsibility for doing the work, and/or you don’t REALLY want to change.
Will I be cooped up in a small room with a bearded man wearing a hemp shirt and leather sandals, who happens to be so in tune with nature that he made the conscious decision not to invest in anti-perspirant a long time ago?
Highly unlikely, although anything’s possible.
Even scarier, could I end up in a confined space with a woman who also fits this description?
Even more unlikely, but who knows…?
Ok, so I’m being trite. But let’s look at the real mattershere. Firstly, you’ve been thinking about getting a life coach. Can I ask for what reason? Can you clearly articulate the reason, or is it that there is something not quite right with how you are currently experiencing life and all you know is that it could somehow be better?
My Friends Think I’m Nuts!
Secondly, your friends think you’re nuts. Good for them, they’re entitled to their opinions, be they misguided or otherwise. What makes you think this is what they are thinking anyway? I’m asking you to consider how you’re thinking.
Do you know for sure they think you’re nuts, or are you just worried they might? And besides, even if they were to think you crazy, why should you care at all? Could it be that you are living to please others at the expense of pleasing yourself? It happens to a lot of people.
An unconscious fear of rejection is a very real barrier to personal freedom.This happens a lot. The good news, it can be identified and dissolved, and it’s quite doable. Provided of course you are willing and committed to meeting your darker sides square on. You need to accept them for what they are. Also, taking the responsibility to nurture more harmonious responses is important. This will be relevant when future situations arise that would have previously set you into a flat spin or frozen you in your tracks.
Hold the phone, this sounds a bit like counselling or therapy. I thought setting and achieving my goals was a big part of the process? Reaching my goals? Having a better life? Yep, aha, affirmative.
It’s useful for all of those things, but under-stand this; the things that have really been frustrating you and holding you back are directly linked to your behaviours and what drives those behaviours.
Your Goals Matter
Sure, as part of the coaching process you’ll get the opportunity to think about what you really want. You’ll examine where you are now in relation to that, set some goals and take positive actions toward achieving them. And if your only barrier (as it may initially seem) was not having clarity or some accountability, then you’ll reach your goals quickly. That’s great, a win-win for all.
Or is it?
But what happens when the next big goal comes along? Has the taste of success given you the momentum needed to replicate your efforts? Or do you need to hire the services of the coach again?
Perhaps the real issue is a lack of self-motivation (again this is universally common, don’t feel bad). Here’s the rub…Until you are consciously aware of the underlying drivers, this trait will continue repeating itself. The driver could be a number of things such as not feeling good enough, fears around rejection, etc. “No way, that’s not me! I’m scared of nothin’!” you say. Perhaps that’s true, or perhaps you act that way to compensate for these unwanted gifts inherited from your parents, teachers, and society in general.
You Are Part of the Problem Too!
The point is those are the real barriers. And as you move towards your goals the coach will recognise any self-limiting behaviours and be there to help you address any mental G.A.I.L. (Gremlins, Assumptions, Interpretations, Limiting Beliefs).
Let me summarise by sharing another common and universal truth. On a daily basis, through the medium of our thoughts, feelings, choices, words and actions, we create the life we now have. We’re doing our best with what we’ve got, and all we really want is to enhance the quality of our life experiences. What are the missing ingredients that keep us from accomplishing that? It’s basically the knowledge and insights as to what drives us, and the techniques, resources and support required to create lasting change. That’s probably something you were never taught in school…
If you really want to improve your lot in life, to develop and evolve into a more integrated human being than you were yesterday you need to be self-aware. If you really want to experience deeper quality relationships, to attract more satisfying work, again, you need to be self aware. It’s the awareness to think, feel and act differently that create better results.
A well rounded life coach can help you explore the underlying drivers and bring them into conscious awareness. This awareness may cause the changes that will be important for you to create a better life.
I know with confidence, that you have laten talents and abilities just poised to come to the surface. Identify them, nurture them and align your life around them, that’s when things start to really happen for you. The differences are subtle, but after a while your friends might think going nuts is a good option!
Vaughan Jones is co-founder of Life Coach Auckland, a life coaching company based in Auckland New Zealand